21 Things You Should Never Feel Bad About While Having Sex
Just like cupcakes, these should all be guilt-free.
1. Considering your enjoyment a top priority.
The 21st century has blessed us with Wi-Fi, a frying pan that cooks all of your breakfast at once, and more people acknowledging that women should have just as much fun during sex as men. Even though learning to believe that can be a process, don't let anyone (including yourself!) convince you otherwise.
2. Knowing that certain things will always be off-limits.
If your butt is like, “Lol, no,” every time someone mentions anal sex, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to try everything under the sun just to be a good sex partner, especially not if something makes you uncomfortable.
3. Wanting to incorporate a sex toy.
Whether you've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty or have never seen a sex toy IRL, you might be curious about using them with another person. Sometimes people get intimidated or think a toy is replacing them, but hopefully explaining the real point of sex toys (fun experimenting!) alleviates those concerns. Of course, you're absolutely not boring if all you want during sex are various private parts sans any extra bells and whistles.
4. Feeling a little embarrassed if something you’re doing isn’t working for your partner.
It happens! When it does, think about how you feel when the situation is flipped. You probably don't automatically kick someone out of bed and consider them a garbage person if they need a little coaching—you do some adjusting and move on.
5. How you sound or look in the throes of pleasure.
Ideally you’re both having such a good time that you don’t only accept these expressions, you find them insanely sexy in the moment.
6. Being with people of your preferred sex or gender.
You want who you want, so do you. And then do them, because everyone should be able to follow their hearts (and bodies) on this one.
7. Thinking something's hilarious.
As long as no one’s feelings get hurt, laughing together during sex can ease any awkwardness, make you two feel closer to each other, and turn into a pretty sweet memory.
8. Any and all physical “flaws.”
It’s easy to bum yourself out about not living up to unattainable beauty standards, especially when someone's getting up close and personal. Truth is, everyone has wobbly bits, as Bridget Jones would call them. Even if you’re having sex with an Adonis or Aphrodite, they have them, too. Confidence is really one of the most attractive qualities, so try to focus on what you find sexy as hell about yourself instead.
9. Not getting the hype about something your friends love.
So they’re all into people going down on them? That’s awesome, but there's nothing wrong with you if you're not a fan.
10. Anything having to do with your vagina.
Unless something’s going on medically, chances are your equipment looks, smells, and acts pretty much perfectly.
11. Not being able to come.
Orgasms are a finicky thing for many women. Like the New York City subway, sometimes they’ll arrive, sometimes they won’t, and the reasons why are endless. That’s not to say you shouldn’t care about having an orgasm if you want one! It’s definitely something you can work on, either via experimenting or getting a gynecologist's input. But in the actual moment, beating yourself up won’t do you any favors.
12. Or needing something super specific to orgasm.
Maybe it's a certain position, type of stimulation, or even a kind of vibrator. No matter what it is, knowing exactly what you need to orgasm should be both liberating and awesome.
13. Pretty much always wanting one type of sex.
It’s great to try new things, but if you find yourself still coming back to sweet, rough, or any other kind of sex, it just means you know yourself well.
14. Speaking your mind about what you want.
Owning the fact that you have sexual needs is one thing, but being vocal about them can still be freaky. Call upon the power of Samantha Jones and remember that you deserve to have a good time in bed. Sometimes the only way to make it happen is to say what you need!
15. Not knowing exactly what you’re doing.
Whether you don’t have a ton of sexual experience in general or are embarking upon a new adventure, sometimes you feel clueless. The awesome part is that trying something new will teach you a ton about your body, and any worthwhile partner won't judge you for that.
knowing exactly what you’re doing.
Maybe you’ve perfected the art of giving a blow job that will be over in two minutes flat. Be proud. (Then write a book and become a millionaire, because it would probably sell out in a second. No need to cut me a check, I’m fine with a thank you in the acknowledgements.)
17. Needing lube.
No, it doesn't mean anything bad about you or your body. Yes, it can be so great sometimes you wish you could frolic in an entire ocean of the stuff.
So you like to think about a certain scenario in order to get there? Have at it. As long as it doesn’t routinely get in the way of you feeling present in the moment, fantasizing can give an already great sex life a boost.
19. Wanting sex to be over sometimes so you can do something else.
This is more about feeling a little bored or mentally restless than it is actively not wanting to have sex—in that case, of course you should always feel comfortable stopping, and your partner should be good with that. But if the sex is only okaaay and you still have half an episode of Jane the Virgin to watch, feel free to bust out your best moves to finish up and get back to life.
20. Being a feminist who’s into kink.
Or anything else that may seem like it's in conflict with your beliefs. As long as everything's consensual, what's the problem? Even if it's something like being submissive, going after what you want in your sex life is a sign of empowerment.
21. And thinking you are a sex goddess of the highest order.
Here’s a secret: a big part of actually being a sex goddess is telling yourself you’re one. Consider this your official permission to do just that.