This Is What Happens When You Ask Out 10 Men On Tinder... In One Night
Last week, I decided to do what many dudes do on Tinder: get straight to the point. Now—not every guy I’m matched with goes in straight for the date, some like to be chatty. But most exchange a few niceties before asking for my number and seeing when they can buy me a glass of Pinot Noir. (Saturday, at 8 p.m., in the East Village, if any tall, successful, kind-hearted man is available out there. Somewhere. Anywhere. Anyone. Bueller?)
My friends and I are sort of the opposite: We ask about where he’s from, where he lives in the city, what he does for a living, how long he’s lived here, what his social security number is… (Joking.) But really, even as a confident, outgoing gal, I almost always wait for a guy to make the first move.
Yes, even on Tinder.
It seems a little silly now that I type it out, but there’s something about that chase (even if it’s only in the form of blue pop-up bubbles) that makes me hold back, and wait to be pursued.
Well, until Thursday night, that is. After a day in the office, a workout class, a quick walk with my pup, and a shower, I put on mascara, red lips and my bathrobe, and I sat down and messaged this to the 10 guys I was matched with on Tinder that same day:
“Hi NAME! Want to get drinks in the East Village in an hour?”
Yep, that’s it. No pleasant greetings, no asking anything about them, no checking to make sure they really were as tall as they said they were. No anything—just a time-sensitive invitation. My roommate sat on the futon with me, handed me a glass of red wine and we waited.
It was odd sitting there, essentially holding out for a man, but it was really interesting too, and it left my head spinning with questions: What type of guy would respond to that? What message I was I inadvertently sending by being so, um, casual? (Was I being casual?! Or was I just getting to the point? Was it a sexy move? A crazy one?) Would they think I just wanted to hook up? Would they expect me to go home with them that night? Was this a really, really dumb idea? Gulp. Would anyone even respond?
And then, five minutes later, the messages started to roll in. Ben was busy but asked for a raincheck. Nathaniel liked my forward approach but had a client dinner. Adam told me I had pretty eyes and asked if I was free on Tuesday. Brad asked about Wednesday.
And then Matt said...yes! (!!!!)
Matt was from London originally and he was looking at apartments in my neighborhood (score!). He could meet me at a cocktail bar in 30 minutes. Three blocks from my apartment.
Just as I finished picking out my outfit and was about to leave, he texted that he needed to cancel, that he was just too tired and was afraid he wouldn’t be good company. And ya know what? Instead of getting disappointed (like I would have if I talked to him for an entire week via Tinder and then via texting before actually meeting him in person), I didn’t really care at all.
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Then Paul was available. It was nearly 10 p.m. by this time and I was (admittedly) getting tired from a long day, but my roommate pushed me to go for it. I was already dressed, I did look hot, she reassured. So I confirmed with him…
...and then he backed out too. Apparently he ended up drinking too much with his softball team and was beat. Again, it wasn't an enormous letdown. I continued messaging the other eight dudes and hung out with my roommate as we sang along to "Mmm Bop" and finished that bottle of wine. Thursday night perfection in it’s single 20-something finest.
Here are the final stats from my Tinder experiment:
Out of 10…
...2 confirmed (and then cancelled).
...8 asked for a raincheck.
...2 scheduled dates for next for next week.
As for the two guys I'm seeing next week, we haven't moved past the ‘When are we meeting?’ question. We have the dates reserved and I hope they’ll keep them, but if they get cold feet (or get busy, like we all get), it won’t be a total disaster. Because now I get why guys cut to the chase—and why sometimes it’s better if we do, too—there's really no reason to get your hopes up about someone before you even meet them. Anyone can look perfect on paper (or by swiping right) and anyone can be clever with their cryptic, sexy Tinder (or Hinge or whatever) messaging, but all of it means diddly squat until you’re sitting next to them in a crowded bar at happy hour.
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The thing is, regardless of whether you “talk” for one minute or one week, you never know where it might lead. Case-in-point: That same Thursday, my roommate was only home with the said bottle of vino because a guy she had been chatting with for more than a week on OkCupid bailed at the last minute. By then, they knew a good amount about each other and she was pretty excited by the thought of it turning into something great. (Spoiler: The lame dude still hasn’t rescheduled! She’s seeing a different one next week.)
Even though it hasn’t been that long since my experiment, I’ve noticed a difference in how I message guys now. Mainly, that I don’t anymore. If I’m attracted to them and I think I’d be able to manage at least a half-hour in their company without eyeing the nearest exit, I just go for it.
The worst that could happen is that they don’t respond or they don’t show up. The best that could happen… well… I’ll let you know… when it does. After all, I do have two dates next week.
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