These Might Just Be The Worst Nicknames Real Guys Have Given Vaginas
Fact: Dirty talk can be hot. But it can get weird—quick. One minute, his filthy mouth is sexy AF, and the next, he's nicknaming a part of your body something that makes your vagina snap shut faster than a Venus flytrap. Before you know it, your lady boner isn't just MIA; it's in witness protection.
Here, real women share the worst things guys have called their hoo-has. (Yes, even worse than hoo-ha.)
"My current boyfriend and I were all about keeping things casual at first. Our relationship started out when we were both on the rebound, and we promised not to talk about our exes because ew. But one time while we were hooking up, he started calling my vag Stacey. I thought it was weird at the time, but when I later learned that Stacey was his ex's name, I couldn't stop laughing. I probably should have been offended, but I wasn't at all. So instead of confronting him about it, I named his junk Adam, after my ex. Now we're even." —Tricia W.
"In college, I hooked up with this really obnoxious dude who was basically everything you don't look for in a guy. I couldn't stand him, but we ended up having the hottest hate sex. Well, it was hot right up until he called my vag 'the queefmeister.' Sometimes, he'd get super carried away while we were having sex, and it sounded like someone was plunging a toilet, but instead of just letting it go or changing positions, he'd start talking like that annoying office character Rob Schneider played on Saturday Night Live."—Lesley H.
"A coworker and I were traveling on business, and we started making out after a few drinks. Unfortunately, his dirty talk got creepy when he started calling my vag a 'kitty.' He was kissing me, and then he leaned back and said something like, 'I bet that kitty feels good.' I remember thinking, 'Get me outta here!'" —Lisa M.
"One time, my boyfriend and I were debating something, and he reached down to my crotch and asked if he should 'talk to the boss.'" —Nicole M.
"I had a huge crush on this guy in high school, and years later we bumped into each other and caught up over coffee. He told me his office was throwing a holiday party and asked me to go with him. After the party, we were pretty drunk, and things start getting a little sloppy. He kept calling my vag a 'coozy.' When I asked him what the hell he was talking about, he said, 'It's like a beer coozy, but for my junk.' Buzz. Killed. It's needless to say, we did not have sex." —Jess P.
"I once drunkenly hooked up with this guy at a friend's party who didn't nickname my body parts—and that was the problem. We snuck into one of the upstairs bedrooms, and he narrated our entire rendezvous using legit medical terminology. Once he said 'clavicle,' that was it. I was done." —Kate T.