The 5 Times Your Orgasm Will Feel INTENSELY Different
1. The “finally!” orgasm
It didn’t happen right away, but after some test runs, you finally made it over the edge with a new partner.
Why it’s awesome: Besides your shared victory? You’ve just cracked your O code with a new human being – which bodes well for the next romp… And the next.
How to get it: Contrary to how orgasms happen in the movies, real-life orgasms take practice. In fact, women had only a 32 percent chance of climaxing if they’d never hooked up with their partner before, but a 51 percent chance if they’d hooked up six times or more in the past, according to data analysed by Dr Justin Lehmiller, director of the Social Psychology Graduate Program at Ball State University. And up to two thirds of women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone – so add clitoral stimulation, whether it’s him going down on you or using his fingers or a vibrator.
Another known O killer? Your anxious inner monologue. Am I moving the right way? How does my tummy look? Getting out of your head and zeroing in on how hot this experience is – and how sexy your partner finds you – is key. “Try to focus on your breath, like in yoga or meditation,” says Dr Yvonne Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! Or lose yourself in the rhythmic motions – a new US study discovered that they create an altered state of consciousness in your brain, putting you in a sexual trance of sorts that can make it easier to climax.
2. The LTR orgasm
The sexiest part about being in a committed relationship? Your secure bond lays the groundwork for incredible orgasms.
Why it’s awesome: “This is where women can give themselves permission to experience their sexuality in all its power and colour,” says Dr Tina Schermer-Sellers, founder of the US Northwest Institute on Intimacy. Bonus: when you make your partner part of that process, your connection grows even deeper.
How to get it: By now, you know exactly which moves get each other there, but that doesn’t mean sex happens as often – or is always as exciting – as you’d like. Time to mix things up! Aim for the famous “blended orgasm”: what happens when you engage both your clitoris and G-spot, that nerve-packed area on the front wall of the vagina, at once. Have him move two fingers inside you in a “come hither” motion while he gives you oral or hold a vibe on your clitoris during doggy. (No need to be shy about introducing a toy – a study from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion in the US shows that 44 percent of men have used them, most during sex with a female partner.) Make sure your clitoris gets the love first – when blood floods the pelvic area as a result of C-play, it spurs the surface of the G-spot to rise so it’s easier to access, says Fulbright.
Want another challenge? Try “edging,” where you get close to climax, then back off for an even grander finale. Your partner can tease you with tried-and-true strokes while you take your time, knowing he’s invested in your pleasure.
3. The casual hook-up orgasm
There’s something freeing about knocking boots with someone you don’t want a relationship with, especially if you’re fresh from an LTR.
Why it’s awesome: “You’re establishing your sexual sovereignty and the right to be desired,” says relationship coach Shula Melamed. “These are liberating orgasms. They’re reclamation orgasms.” Preach!
How to get it: Revelling in your single-girl glory? You may be craving primal sex or feel like getting a little freaky. “This partner knows you only in a sexual context,” says Lou Paget, author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming. So there’s less concern that he’s judging you for being “out of character.” Go ahead and try new-to-you ways of getting off! Consider exhibitionism (do it with the shades open) or butt play, which many women find pleasurable since stimulating your back door hits a nerve that’s a major player in clitoral orgasms. This is also a perfect situation to put yourself first and shoot for multiple orgasms. For the 12 percent of women who’ve had them, research shows a few things helped: using a vibrator, believing that their orgasm is a priority and having long sex sessions (more than an hour of varied play).
4. The post-childbirth orgasm
Pregnancy may have thrown your physiology out of whack and couples often let their sex lives languish after having a kid. But your pleasure and intimacy with your partner still matter!
Why it’s awesome: The benefits of new-mom orgasms are plentiful: “the vaginal contractions that accompany orgasms strengthen pelvic floor muscles weakened by pregnancy and birth,” says sex therapist Ashley Grinonneau-Denton. And over time, the oxytocin released with an orgasm can help with post-partum pain.” Plus, reconnecting with your partner, not to mention your own sensuality, can be pretty damn welcome.
How to get it: Most docs advise new moms to give their bodies six weeks to heal before intercourse, but even after that, sex might feel different. Pregnancy stretches ligaments around your reproductive organs, which could alter the sensations. Lube is crucial; new moms need extra since a post-partum drop in oestrogen may cause vaginal dryness.
Emotionally, a new baby – and adjusting to your post-baby body – can make getting in the mood a challenge. Some advice: schedule in sex when the baby is fed and napping. Make yourself feel sexy with new lingerie, a blow-dry or a candlelit bedroom. And be goal-oriented about your O: opt for extra foreplay during sex to make sure you’re getting yours.
5. The experienced orgasm
Like Viggo Mortensen and your retirement annuity, orgasms get better with age. And more plentiful! In fact, 70 percent of women in their forties and fifties had an orgasm the last time they had sex, compared with 61 percent of 18- to 24-year-old women, according to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Why it’s awesome: Time and experience have made you less insecure about body imperfections and researchers at the University of Pittsburgh found that some women become more sexually adventurous starting in their forties, trying new positions and masturbating more.
How to get it: As we age, orgasms can take longer to achieve, even if you’re in the mood. Blame a decline in oestrogen and testosterone, which both affect arousal and lubrication. (Pelvic floor muscles may also weaken over time, so Os could feel shorter and less intense.) To speed things along, try fantasising before sex, suggests sex educator Dr Barbara Keesling. (What works best is visualising a particular person and lots of detail, she says.) Also helpful: reading a sexy novel or pregaming with your favourite vibe. Regular exercise could also lead to a quicker climax as it gets blood flowing all over your body – including to your sexiest parts.
Here’s exactly how to guarantee an orgasm, according to science. Plus: 6 important times in your life when sex feels totally different.