The 9 Best Quotes From The Erotic Donald Trump EBook That'S Blowing Up On Amazon
Donald Trump is a lot of things (a monster, a fascist, a monster who is pretending to be a fascist because he thinks the worst of a large portion of our country and terrifyingly it seems like he might be right), but one thing he is decidedly not is a sex symbol. Or I should say he wasn't a sex symbol, because now, thanks to a short story that is burning up the Amazon charts, you might look at him differently. Trump Temptation: The Billionaire & The Bellboy is a short story from Elijah Daniel and it is powerful, sexy, and brilliant. Here's what book's description says:
To illustrate just how powerful, sexy, and brilliant it is, it seemed like a good idea to share some of the most beautiful sentences Daniel wrote.
"My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity."
"He stood there in front of me, like a tall stallion. With his oily orange skin glistening in the sunlight as if he were a soggy cheeto, his hair unkempt and messy, like a gorgeous rat’s nest."
"His gorgeous ass flapped behind him like a mouthwatering stack of pancakes in his pants. My hunger for pancakes had never been stronger."
"And that’s when it happened. He looked back. He caught me staring at his donk. He could have me immediately had me fired for this, but he didn’t. Instead, he smiled and continued to hop on the elevator. What is happening? Am I losing my mind? I didn’t come here to find love, but did love find me?"
"He answered the door wearing only a robe. The robe open just enough for me to see his beautiful saggy chest. A chest that would give Betty White a run for her money."
"Chapter 2: Blood Sausage"
"I had to admit it, I wanted his geriatric 2006 Perez Hilton jello body, and I wanted it bad. But before long we had a new problem, my lustful thoughts had awoken the purple-headed yogurt slinger in my pants."
"His face is wrinkled like a beautiful overflowing flesh toilet.”
"I was in love. 'I should tell you something' he breathed onto my neck. 'Tell me later' I said as I reached for his pants. 'Fine, but close your eyes' he said. I was reluctant, but obedient. I unzipped his pants and touched his cold, scaly thighs. I opened my eyes as I grabbed his thick, long… TAIL? WHAT? DONALD TRUMP IS A FUCKING REPTILIAN!"
Poetry like this really captures something deep and true about love and sensuality and secretly reptilian presidential candidates. Do yourself and the literary world a favor and pick up the whole thing for $1.99 at Amazon. It's great and Elijah Daniel needs to make some money so he can write more brilliant stuff for us. But don't take my word for it, take Donald Trump's!