How To Start A DDlg Dynamic
So, you want to start a DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) dynamic, but you don’t know where or how to begin?
You’ve come to the right place.
Today I’m teaching you how to explore a DD/lg dynamic with a partner.
And if you have no idea what I’m talking about when I say DD/lg, and want to know what all the fuss is about, brush up on our DD/lg beginners article here.
A Note On Gender Before We Begin
It’s important to note that while the term DD/lg traditionally describes an adult male being the ‘Daddy Dom’ and an adult woman being the ‘little girl’ in this dynamic, it doesn’t have to be gender-specific. The “Top” role is the Dominant Daddy, and the “bottom” role is the little girl. However, women can be the ‘Top’ role, and men can be the ‘bottom’ role.
In fact, anyone on the gender spectrum can play any role they like in this dynamic. The key to the dynamic is that one partner plays the more protective, caregiving role, and the other person plays the submissive ‘little’ role.
In fact, it can be very liberating to use DD/lg play as a way to explore non-traditional gender and caregiver roles. BDSM is a safe and fun way to sample the entire smorgasbord of sexuality. Which definitely includes gender and gender-role exploration and expansion. For ease of reading, I’ll be using the term DD/lg in this article to encompass all forms of this play.
Dip Your Own Toe In
The first step is absolutely a solo activity. Before you bring up DD/lg to a partner, spend some time exploring it for yourself. You may want to do some research, check out forums and read blogs, watch ethical kinky porn, take quizzes, read DD/lg erotica, and use fantasy during masturbation.
This is an important step because it helps you expand your ideas and knowledge of DD/lg, as well as explore your own relationship to the concept and personal arousal and intrigue around it.
Test the DDlg Waters
Now it’s time to start talking to your partner. Firstly, do not have this conversation during sex or even in the bedroom. It’s a much better idea to talk about new sexual ideas outside of that sexually charged environment. When cooler heads prevail, so to speak. Sit your partner down on the couch, or over a cup of coffee and newspaper on a Saturday morning for this chat.
First, explain to them how your interest in this desire does not speak to your lack of interest in your current sexual relationship. This is something you’d like to explore with them to enrich and deepen your sexual and romantic relationship. Explain to them the specific appeals and intrigue for you around DD/lg. Which you hopefully got some clarity on during step one.
Discuss if there is any interest for them, and explore any of the ways your interests might have compatible cross over. If they aren’t sure about it or are hesitant, that’s okay. Reassure your partner they can take all the time they need to think about this, and do their own research.
This is new information, and some people can get a little uncomfortable when talking about sex. Especially if they feel that wanting to try something new means that the sex they are currently having with you isn’t enough for you. Which is why it’s so important to explain that for you, this would be a great addition to an already enjoyable sex life.
Lay Down the Law
So hopefully you had a positive interaction with your partner, and you’re both excited about incorporating DD/lg into your sexual dynamic. Now it’s time to set up some structure around it.
It’s important to talk about this together and workshop how it would need to look in order for everyone to be happy and get their needs met. Littles tend to really like clear structure and guidelines (yes, even the bratty littles who break the rules), so make sure you give this step the time it deserves.
DD/lg dynamics function really differently for everyone who engages in them. Here are some questions to discuss together to give you a foundation:
1- Who will be the Top role and who will be the bottom role?
2- Are these roles going to be static, or will we switch at times?
3- Will this dynamic be 24/7, or relegated only to the bedroom, or something in between?
4- Would we engage in our DD/lg play every time we have sex?
5- Will the little have rules, structure, chores, discipline, etc?
6- What might punishments look like?
7- Where are each of our boundaries around this play?
Asking these questions with your partner can help lay the foundations for some really fun and sexy play. Then the next step is picking out some names to use.
What’s in a Name?
There are so many fun terms to use in DD/lg play, and you absolutely do not have to stick to Daddy and little. Have some fun thinking up ones that would really stir your loins.
It’s also important to discuss if you have any boundaries for names you really don’t want to be called.
Here are some sexy suggestions to get you started:
For Tops: Dom, Domme, Daddy, Mommy, Master, Mistress, Top, Sir, Madam, Lord, Lady, Mastress, Your Grace, Your Highness, Your Majesty, Captain, Colonel, General, Commander, Owner, Caregiver, Boss, Ma’am.
For bottoms: Little, littol, kitten, puppy, little girl, little boy, good girl, good boy, sub, pet, bottom b*tch, servant, thing, object, sex toy.
The Most Fun Step, Start Playing!
Now is the exciting part you’ve been waiting for, you get to start playing! DD/lg has a wide variance on how it plays out in practice. Explore your personal turn-ons and see what works best for you both. You might want to use dirty talk during sex, read bedtime stories, dress up all cute and little, get a stuffed animal, use pacifiers, do some role play, engage in a spanking or two, the DD/lg world is your oyster.
Have fun with it and enjoy playing and exploring your turn-ons together. Remember, DD/lg doesn’t have to be relegated to the bedroom. You can enjoy the delight of this dynamic any time of day. It’s wonderfully fun to have a little secret with your partner during the more “vanilla” (non-kink) moments in life.
When you’re at the grocery store, tell you little to pick out one special item just for them. At the park, have fun playing together on the play equipment. Go to see a sweet children’s movie at the cinema. There are so many fantastic ways to engage in DD/lg.
Keeping It Safe
As with any form of BDSM play, it’s of utmost importance to keep everything risk-aware, safe and fully informed, and enthusiastically consensual. If you’re new to BDSM please go back and read my Intro to BDSM Blog. Safety, communication, expectations, and aftercare are cornerstones of kink. Aftercare is especially important with littles, they need lots of love and pets after play, particularly if it’s intense and/or involves impact. Good aftercare = secure and happy littles.
Don’t skip those important preliminary steps as they establish a safe container for play. Always, always, always have a “safe word” and a “safe gesture” that can be used if words fail you or your mouth is otherwise occupied.