Here'S Why You Should Always Take A Second Date
It’s happened to all of us: You go on a first date, aren’t blown away by the guy, and promptly move on to the next one.
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It's not like he was clipping his toenails at the table or anything, but you just left the date feeling…underwhelmed.
But comedian Aziz Ansari says you should rethink that habit. He did, and it paid off.
In his book, Modern Romance, Aziz explains how, when he was single and living in New York City, he realized he was having a ton of first dates (no need to brag, Aziz) but not many follow-ups.
The reason: He wasn’t being swept off his feet, and he felt like he was never meeting people he really, really liked.
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“If I went out with a girl and the date felt like it was a six, normally I wouldn’t have gone on a second date,” he writes in the book. “Instead, I would have been on my phone texting other options, trying to find that elusive first date that would be a nine or a 10.”
But something changed when he decided to re-think his strategy and started giving mediocre first dates a second chance.
“What I found is that a first date that was a six was usually an eight on the second date,” he writes. “I knew the person better, and we kept building a good rapport together. We’d develop more inside jokes and just generally get along better because we were familiar.”
All good points.
But that's not the only reason the second date is pretty much always better than the first.
Few People Are Awesome On First Dates
You’re thrown together with a total stranger and are often forced to sit together and make conversation for an hour and a half over a meal. Plus, you’re both a little nervous, which increases the likelihood you’ll say or do something off, like...
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, says you might even want to be wary of the ones that do blow you away. “It means you are not thinking very clearly,” she says. “It may also mean your subconscious has recognized a pattern from your past which may not be good.”
First Impressions Can Be Way Off
It reportedly takes just seven seconds to make a first impression and, really, how much info can you gather in that time (other than his butt looks good in jeans and he looks nice when he smiles)?
“If the other person is interested in a second date and the first date wasn’t a disaster, you may find you’re pleasantly surprised,” says Tessina, adding that you should spend the second date focusing on what you can learn about your date to try to make a better judgment.
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Research has also been mixed on how accurate our first impressions are, so don’t put a lot of stock into this one.
You Never Know!
Seriously—you don’t. Love at first sight is a cool concept and all (and according to Match.com’s 2014 "Singles in America" survey, 41 percent of men and 29 percent of women say they’ve experienced it), but real love takes time. Think about your last good relationship. Didn’t you love your S.O. more after a few months of dating than when you first met? Exactly.
“Having mild feelings about someone might be a great start at true love, rather than mindless passion,” says Tessina. And while butterflies and nerves are great, too, Tessina points out that lasting love is usually calm and peaceful (with some butterflies thrown in).
Bottom line: Take the second date. If that one doesn’t do it for you, move on. At least you’ll know you made an informed decision before you gave up on the person.