Why Watching Porn Is The Hottest Thing You Can Do With Your Partner
Instead of wasting an hour flipping through Netflix, then Hulu, then Netflix again in hopes of deciding on a dram-edy for your Friday night in, consider a much hotter type of screen time in bed: watching porn together.
“Watching people have sex is hot in itself, but when you engage in something you don’t usually do with another person, you create an extra element of naughtiness,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. That added illicit feeling can be enough to make sure you—not just the actors on your screen—enjoy a, er, climactic finish.
But watching porn together offers a handful of other benefits beyond just getting off (not that that’s not worthy on its own). So read on...then get browsing, girl.
1. Watching porn together can bring you closer.
Real talk: Your partner, especially if he’s male, has very, VERY likely watched porn. And chances are, you have, too. But most people watch it by themselves, either because they don't want their S.O. to get offended, or worse, because they're secretly ashamed.
"Watching porn together means you don't have to hide anything," says sex and relationship expert Christie Hartman, PhD. "And being open and honest strengthens your bond."
So if you think cozying up to spectate a super-intense 69 sesh is something only hookup buddies would do, think again: Allowing a partner to enter into your “private life” opens up a whole new level of intimacy.
How do your thoughts on porn compare to others? Women get real, here:
2. It can lead to **very** honest conversations.
You know those random things that turn you on? Like, seeing someone handcuffed to a bed, or watching a woman have her nipples nibbled on (even if you’re not totally sure you’d like to be that person IRL).
Viewing porn with your partner creates an immediate opportunity to talk about those hot buttons in a safe space: You can comment as you watch—“Hmm, that looks kinda fun…”—without having to straight-up ask for a specific sexy deed, which can be intimidating.
Likewise, your partner may have some turn-ons that they haven’t felt comfortable voicing when it’s just the two of you (and no actors) in the room. If they see something that intrigues them while you watch porn together, they can approach the act/position/fetish/insert-sexy-thing-here and likely get an honest reaction from you (“No way!” or “Omg, let’s try it”).
P.S. More than half of women in one survey said watching porn together gave them the confidence to ask for what they want in bed. So…it works.
3. Watching porn together can turn you on—big time.
Watching people get it on while you’re with your partner is insanely stimulating to the brain, almost like watching a scary movie together or drinking together, explains Hartman.
Assuming you actually like your partner, and you’re choosing a film that both of you are into, “sharing in the excitement is what makes watching porn together so amazing,” she says.
Plus, just watching your partner get aroused as they view what’s happening on-screen can be ridiculously stirring for you, too, adds sex therapist Barbara Winters, PhD. This goes for men more so than women, since guys typically feel powerful when they're able to turn on their partner, she notes.
Still, if you’re the type of girl who loves getting your partner off, chances are, you’ll love watching them watch others.
4. Watching porn together can spark new ideas in the bedroom.
You can read about every sex position in the world, but nothing comes close to actually seeing a crazy setup in action. Watching real people (okay, porn stars) enjoy non-vanilla sex can make what may have seemed unrealistic more doable and fun.
"Watching porn together may encourage couples to try role-play, new positions, or acts they haven't tried before," says Hartman. "A little adventure is good for a relationship, especially after being together for a long time."
4. You might discover you like things you never, ever considered.
A lot of porn may seem “out there,” since the traditional, mainstream type often caters to more casual, rough encounters than sweet, intimate sex (the kind many women prefer).
And when you’re watching porn on your own, you may stick to the same kinds of videos over and over, which is totally fine—but may keep you from exploring other types that you may actually find super hot.
When watching with your partner, though, you’ll likely get a sneak peek at what they like to watch, opening your world, says Marin. The result? You might uncover fantasies you didn’t even know you had.
Cool, so how do I go about watching porn with my partner?
Good Q! And it’s actually a really simple answer: Just ask.
“Most men will jump at the idea to watch porn with their partner,” says Marin. Similarly, if your significant other is female, she’ll very likely love the thought of participating in something that will get you both going.
Approach them by saying something like, “I’m curious about what kind of porn you watch. Want to see if we can find a video we’d both like to watch together?” suggests Marin.
If they’re not into it—or they mention the idea to you and you’re not feelin' it—don’t push it. Watching porn isn't for everyone, so you should never feel obligated or pressured to partake.
You may also want to consider watching a specific category called “ethical porn,” Marin says. “Ethical porn, which is often produced by female filmmakers, is more realistic and not degrading, so it can be more enjoyable to watch as a couple," she explains.
Even still, if you give watching porn together a try and it makes either of you uncomfortable, no worries. Agree to close that browser window and,ya know, maybe give that random Hulu movie another chance.