Are You Happy In Your Relationship?
We all love being in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. We’re eager to know more about each other, blissfully happy and excited about building our future together. So what makes a relationship fall down?
How can two people who were so in love, become verbally critical opponents who refuse to see or acknowledge the wonderful qualities of the person whom they initially fell in love with?
💕In the early stages of a relationship you tend to focus on what you like about the person. You admire their strength, their character, their tenacity and their smile. You’re focused on treating each other well. You both uplift, inspire and encourage the potential you see in each other. You notice their quirks and at first they’re cute because you are accepting the person as they are.
😊 You’re determined to only focus on their best qualities which is one of the secrets to maintaining happiness in your relationship.
💕Complacency and Inadequate Communication Leads to Relationship Breakdown
Then you start noticing their annoying habits. But you don’t want to rock the boat early on in the relationship so you don’t say anything in case it compromises the relationship. You might hint at an issue from time to time, but don’t clearly communicate what you want changed. Over time, resentment starts to build. This is because you have not clearly communicated the problem and your need for it to be resolved.
For most couples, sexual and emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for a healthy, happy and satisfying relationship. The emotional resistance caused by miscommunication (or no communication) can lead to a lack of desire for sexual intimacy. When intimacy is lost, a relationship starts to quickly deteriorate, to the point where you are simply sharing the same space.
While complacency in either partner is a definite relationship killer, inadequate communication will also do a great deal of damage because it undermines emotional intimacy, trust and the feeling of safety between two people.
💕How Are You Communicating in Your Relationship?
We all have our needs and it’s up to each individual to communicate them in an empowering manner. Anger, hurt and frustration often result from not feeling heard. However, they also result from not communicating clearly or respecting each others needs as well as not being responsible for your own choice of words and actions.
While some conversations can be difficult, you must be sure to remove blame so your partner doesn’t feel accused. Communication breakdown occurs when you inadvertently make the other person feel blamed or accused.
In the early stages of a relationship, you might kiss and make up, however, consistently placing blame or accusing your partner will incrementally undermine feelings of intimacy, trust and connection for each other.
💕Dealing with Difficult Conversations
While it may appear that your partner is responsible for triggering you, YOU are responsible for how you deal with that emotional trigger. To enable clear communication, you need to respond rather than react. Otherwise you will continue to regurgitate old arguments and unresolved issues and never get to discuss the current issue which needs to be resolved!
Difficult conversations frequently trigger emotional reactions. However, when you try to ignore the intense, physical sensations related to an emotional response triggered in your body, you lose your ability to communicate clearly. This is because when you’re in the throes of an emotional reaction, your prefrontal cortex (which provides your ability to reason) shuts down, resulting in mental confusion and the inability to think clearly.
When you feel threatened and unable to think clearly, you’re more likely to shutdown or be verbally reactive to what the other person is saying. Instead of those well-thought-out and calm observations you were going to share with your partner with regards to changes you require, you stumble over your words, appear confrontational and completely mess it up! This usually results in alienating your partner as well as increasing the emotional divide between you.
💕How to Restore Intimacy and Closeness in Your Relationship
Many relationships become out of balance when one partner puts a lot of effort into the relationship and the other becomes complacent or uncommunicative. However, giving up, shutting down and not communicating is another form of complacency and won’t resolve your issues.
To enjoy happy communication, you need to take responsibility for how you are showing up in your relationship. When you’re living with another person or sharing their space there needs to be compromise because we all have our own way of doing things. This can include ‘bad’ habits which can be easily rectified when we know how important it is from our partner's perspective for us to change them.
Just know that changing a habit will require a little (or a lot) of encouragement. Becoming annoyed can hinder the progress, so go easy on yourself and your partner. After all, when someone is being critical toward you, do you feel at all motivated to make changes? No.
Keep in mind that new habits can take some time to become a habit so positive reinforcement is often necessary as well as being appreciated by your partner.
💕Remember That You Need to Work As a Team
It’s helpful to have a shared direction so you are both working toward a similar goal. This includes lifting each other up with your words and having each other’s back. It’s easy to criticise someone for their errors, however, this is pointless and leads to many unwanted emotional reactions.
The fastest way to get what you want is to inspire your partner with your own behaviour and choices of words. Learn how to be in charge of your emotional reactions so they don’t undermine you and your relationship. Show your appreciation when your partner does something you really appreciate. Like attracts like and life tends to bring you more of whatever you are focusing your attention on 😊
💕 As a Psychosexual Relationship Specialist, I provide real answers to solve the real problems. Gain many more valuable insights at my website www.EndTheProblem.com