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How To Emotionally Detach When You Don’t Have Any Other Choice

It’s really not an easy thing to do. But if you’re reading this then you’ve thought long and hard about it already. Coming to this conclusion comes with its tears and anger but now you’re here, so you can only move forward with this. Yes, you care and love them, but at the same time, they’re eating you alive, figuratively speaking, of course.

Just because you want to emotionally detach from them doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or want them to disappear from your life. You’re simply creating a much-needed boundary for your own mental health. It’s hard, but you can learn how to emotionally detach yourself.

1 Think about you. Yeah, we tend to forget to do this. Instead, we invest every minute into them without thinking about what the relationship is providing us. Funny how that works out, right? But listen, you need to put yourself first.

Maybe you love this person, but you’ve noticed your health decline slowly and if that’s the case, well, it’s time to pay attention to that. It’s always easier to try to fix someone else than ourselves.

2 Take all the space you need. It’s clear that you need space from this person, and that’s completely okay. Don’t feel guilty because you need a time-out from them. And, don’t think your time-out has a specific end date because it doesn’t. If you need a couple weeks, take them. If you need a couple months or years, that’s okay too.

Everyone is different when it comes to emotionally detaching ourselves. Some need a short amount of time to do it while others need more time.

3 Think about your relationship objectively. I know that you’re a part of this relationship, so naturally, you have a specific viewpoint and feeling about it. But if you want to know how to emotionally detach from someone, try to look at the relationship objectively. Be realistic with yourself. It may hurt, but you need to see the truth.

Ask yourself, would you be happy if your daughter/son was in this relationship? Are you getting your basic needs and desires met? These are tough questions because you already know the answer.

4 Why are you attached to them? What is it about them that makes it hard for you to detach. Of course, if this is a family member or close friend, well, then it’s understandable. But if this is an intimate relationship, what is it about them that makes it hard for you to move on? Is it because of them or is it your own insecurities that are preventing you from leaving?

5 Cut contact. I can’t sugar coat this one for you, even though you’d like me to. You need to cut contact with them. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have their number stored somewhere just in case. However, you need to accept the fact that you won’t be able to detach yourself unless you cut contact.

This includes all forms of social media which I know is hard. Don’t creep them on Facebook or Instagram, don’t text them. Nothing. It’s time for you to heal.

6 Stay away from mutual friends. You’re going to ask about this person when you’re with mutual friends. It’s something we all do. Yeah, it’s hard to distance yourself from people who haven’t done anything wrong. but this is only for a short period of time until you’re not feeling the need to ask about them. You need to take the time to fully remove them from your life.

7 Grieve. We’re always so scared to grieve, but it’s the one thing you need to do. At the end of the day, it is what it is, a loss. You lost someone you care about and of course, you’re going to be upset. But, this is all the opportunity for you to treat it like a loss and go through the grieving process. If not, you’ll most likely accept them back into your life and the cycle will continue.

8 Remove memories around you. This is hard, especially when you’re grieving as the smallest thing will remind you of them. Naturally, you can’t just wipe out everything around you, but you can remove some of the memories you have. Photos, gifts, whatever they are, put them away. You don’t have to throw them out, but put them somewhere that’s difficult for you to get to.

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Jennifer B. Alcantar

Jennifer B. Alcantar

Relationship Coach

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