How To Make 69 Hot (And Not Horribly Awkward)
Something about 69 feels like that health class in primary school or a group of teenagers giggling over “80085” punched into a calculator. (ICYMI it spells boobs.) And the truth is, the position gets an equally awkward rap for being clunky and hard to navigate. (I put my what down where?)
But 69 doesn’t have to be the sweaty mess you think it is. Here experts explain some clever ways to make the position an actually pleasant experience and, believe it or not, pretty sexy.
So what are the basics?
The 69 position is quite literal if you look at the numbers and picture the rounded, O-like part of each number as your heads. Ah, yes, see it now?
How to: Have your partner lie down, flat on their back. Then climb on top, so you’re facing away from your partner. Your vagina should be lined up with your partner’s mouth, and theirs with yours. Alternatively, try it in a side-by-side position.
Now, how do you make it even hotter?
1. Don’t be so serious
The trick to 69ing like a pro is to have fun with it, says board-certified sexologist Debra Laino. Keep it relaxed and sensual. For example, have your guy lie on the bed so that his head’s hanging slightly over the edge. Stand on the floor over him, and as you kiss and massage his upper half, slowly crawl your way down his body until you’re both in position.
2. Repeat: this is not a chore
This position might evoke a feeling of being “on the job,” says Dr. Nan Wise, a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Instead, Wise recommends focusing not on the pleasure you are giving your partner, but on how you feel while doing it. Not only will you have a chance to explore your partner’s body, Wise says, but your pleasure will directly translate to your partner having a good time too.
3. Get handsy
Don’t forget: There’s plenty more body to explore as you’re going down on each other, says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. Not only can your hands pleasure the other hot spots surrounding his nether regions—such as his testicles and perineum—but they can also be put to good use when your mouth needs a breather.
4. Tap into your senses
Wise says there’s a series of Sensate focus exercises that are commonly recommended to partners who are having issues in the bedroom. The gist of it all is that through touch (and no sex) the pair has a better understanding of what turns them on, ultimately leading them to better sex. Put the concept to use during 69 for a more sensory experience with your hands and mouth, Wise says, and discover increased pleasure.
5. Go ahead and take sides
If you’re planning to make the 69 position your main event, the most comfortable way to do so would be for both of you to lie on your side, says Laino. You won’t have to worry about muscle strain or limbs landing where they shouldn’t, and you can use each other’s thighs as a pillow (a thillow, if you will) to keep neck pain to a minimum. Win-win.
6. Try a blowjob switcheroo
Don’t get stuck in a rut with your BJ skills, says Laino. In this context, go-to moves are not your friend. Go slow, go fast, go in circles, go in long strokes, change up the pressure and suction—try and create a unique experience every time. Also important? Having fun with it, Wise says: “The hottest blowjob is when the woman is really enjoying the sensations from the blowjob herself.”
7. Don’t be shy about multitasking
“Giving cunnilingus in this position can be awkward,” says Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First and Passionista, no matter how many pillows are involved. Keep a small vibrator handy or tell your partner to stimulate the vulva in addition to tongue action, he suggests.
8. Forget about technique
The “rules” of 69 are far less important than you discovering a way for the two of you to experience maximum pleasure while in the position. Instead, get excited, Wise says. “Men don’t really give a sh-t about technique, they care about enthusiasm and exuberance,” she says.
9. Find pleasure in the grey area