Get Back To Basics With The ABCs Of Sizzling Sex
This is not your average vocabulary lesson: Breeze through our lusty lexicon to turn up the heat between the sheets.
Along the 26-point sequence of the alphabet there are many, many sexual references, and not all of them are X-rated. In fact, once you’ve covered the ABC’s of sex—from the part of the brain that can interfere with orgasm to the essential mineral a man depletes with every climax—you may have a greater understanding of the wonders of the human body, as well as the human mind. Try these tips:
These almond-shaped structures deep in the brain control the emotional processing system of fear and anxiety. In order to become aroused, women in particular need to power down the amygdala and relax, shelving the day’s worries and obsessive thoughts. One of the best ways to do that is to draw a steamy bath about an hour before having intercourse to calm your nerves. Listening to your favourite soothing music while in the bath helps too. Studies have shown that hearing music you know by heart triggers a deeply relaxing physiological response. Cue up the Coldplay.
B: Body Confidence
Eating healthy. Your body will feel better, and your psyche will feel empowered by your taking control.
Exercising. Try activities that focus on fun and skill yet have a body-shaping payoff, such as swimming, cycling, or volleyball.
Taking care of details. By attending to the finer points—fresh nail polish, smooth legs, a well-fitting bra—you send the message to yourself and to others that you and your body are worth the extra effort.
C: Clitoral Complex
You know about the G-spot—the area that’s a couple of inches inside the front of the vagina. Well, French researchers may have found out why touching that spot feels so darn good: A little action there may actually stimulate the root of the clitoris through the vaginal wall. As reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, scientists say ultrasound tests revealed that the clitoris is really a “clitoral complex,” not just the small bud you can see. It also extends along the sides of the vulva, which explains why exterior stimulation can be so arousing.
D: Double Protection
Using two forms of birth control may make sex twice as good. The Kinsey Institute found that women who used a hormonal contraceptive plus condoms reported higher overall sexual satisfaction. Researchers believe that when women are less worried about pregnancy and STIs, they can relax and enjoy themselves more.
E: Erotic Literature
Reenact some particularly hot literary scenes. Check out Heat Wave: Sizzling Sex Stories, edited by Alison Tyler; The Black Lace Book of Women’s Sexual Fantasies, edited by Kerri Sharp; and Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
Hot daydreams can help women tune in to a sexual experience, says clinical sexologist Dr. Ian Kerner, because they help “turn off the parts of [the] brain associated with stress and anxiety.” To plant the idea of fantasising in his mind, tell your guy you had a wild dream about him, then play coy. Make him pry it out of you. You may spark some interest (and hear specifics about his fantasies too) without making him feel as if he isn’t satisfying you.
Most sex games are cheesy and silly. But that’s what makes them all the more fun, if you have the right attitude. Try Bumps and Grinds, the classic drinking-and-stripping board game. Or go to adultsexygames.com for free downloadable games you can play with your guy. Check out Romantic Dares: You take turns flipping on-screen cards that describe sexual tasks for you to complete.
H: Hand Job
Try this technique from Tracey Cox, author of Secrets of a Supersexpert.
The Big Squeeze: Lube first, then clasp one hand firmly around his erection at the top of the shaft. Your fingers should be nudged up against the corona of the head. Squeeze firmly for a second, then release and repeat. It’ll give him a completely different sensation than the typical sliding-hand technique.
I: Inner Thighs, His
The backs of the knees and inner thighs are highly sensitive to men. Start licking and kissing behind the knee, slowly advancing north. Switch to the other leg for variety.
J: Juice, Pomegranate
Scientists at the University of California at Los Angeles studied this red fruit and found that poms are rich in polyphenols, antioxidants that allow blood to flow through your veins—a key component of good sex.
K: Kissing, Advanced
Try facial intercourse to upgrade your makeout. This smooch mimics sex from foreplay to penetration, beginning with a tongue exploration inside the mouth.
“Rub your tongues together in small and large circles, then dart them in and out of your mouths as if you were having intercourse,” says sexologist Dr. Ava Cadell.
L: Lights On
There’s nothing sexier than a woman who lets her guard down in bed.
“He loves when he can see and feel your body, and the biggest turnoff for him is your acting embarrassed,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a relationship advisor for PerfectMatch.com and author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years. He doesn’t see the imperfections that you zone in on. All he knows is that he loves your body.
Place a full-length mirror in front of the bed and have him sit facing it on the edge of the bed. Straddle him from behind, wrapping your legs over his and pressing your mound against his butt and your breasts on his back. Now reach around with a lubed hand and stroke his erection. You’ll enjoy the unexpected view of his intense orgasm.
Nuzzling his neck is a sign of closeness and intimacy that will make him feel warm and loved. And it may benefit your arousal too: “Sniffing male pheromones will definitely heighten a woman’s orgasm,” says Kerner. Sniff the pocket where the neck meets the shoulder blade, a natural pheromone trap.
This is the term for sex without penetration, and it can be incredibly hot.
Apply a water-based lubricant liberally to the head and shaft of the penis and the labia and clitoris. In one popular version, the woman lies on her back and keeps her legs together, spreading her well-lubed inner thighs just enough for her partner, on top, to slide his erect penis between them and her lips. She can now squeeze her lips to tighten her grip on his penis as he thrusts and stimulates her clitoris with his moving shaft. From this position, try various circular motions and grinding thrusts to create a massage for the clitoris and head of the penis. If he ejaculates, sperm may still be able to enter the vagina, so be sure to use protection.
Missionary, from behind, spoon…almost any position can be enhanced with a few strategically placed pillows. By elevating your hips with a cushion or two, you can alter the angle of his penetration and hit a good spot he may miss otherwise.
If dressing up like a French maid and a baron is too hilarious for your taste, start off slowly. Many couples find the meeting-at-a-bar scenario easy and exciting. First, agree that neither of you will be offended by anything you do or say while in character. Enter a bar or club 15 minutes apart. Mingle and find each other, acting as complete strangers, each in a new persona. Agree on a code word to signal when it’s time to end the game. If role-playing comes from a place of love and trust, there are few downsides, say sex therapists.
A love tap on the butt can increase your bond as a couple, say researchers at Northern Illinois University. Plus, women get a jolt of testosterone when they’re on the receiving end (but men don’t), according to research from the University of Pisa in Italy.
T: Tahitian Method
An oral sex technique worth working into the repertoire: He lies perpendicular to your body and moves his tongue back and forth over the hood of your clitoris, stimulating both sides of it.
U: Underwear, His
Take advantage of his notorious propensity for visual cues: Wear his boxers around the house.
V: Vibrators, the Best
Women who use vibrators are more likely to report higher levels of desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm than those who don’t, according to one study.
W: We-Vibe II
The first vibrator that can be used during intercourse. Inserted into the vagina, the U-shaped device stimulates your clitoris and G-spot simultaneously, and it’s narrow enough to allow your partner in ($99, babeland.com).
X: Xandria Collection
One of the oldest adult-product catalogs. The collection offers toys, exotic lotions and lubricants, massage products, books, and videos (xandria.com). Other top online shops: Good Vibrations (goodvibes.com), Jimmyjane (jimmyjane.com), and MyPleasure.com.
Not a new candy but a tantric position. Sit facing him on his lap, with a pillow under your bottom for easier penetration. The position affords constant penis-clitoris contact, but you control the pressure. Move slowly. The emotional connection created makes yab-yum intense, says sex educator Lou Paget, an author in Los Angeles.
Healthy levels of this mineral boost sex drive and support good sexual function, so make sure your multivitamin is fortified with it. Get even more from zinc-rich foods such as oysters, crab, wheat germ, chickpeas, and steak.