2 Times ‘Innocent’ Porn Can Actually Be Dangerous For Your Relationship
“Sometimes I catch my husband watching porn on his cellphone…”
This was a real question from a reader. She went on to say: “This doesn’t happen often but when it does I feel very insecure and as if I’m not good enough for him, what should I do?” So, we asked a sexual health expert to give her some advice.
A sexual health expert explains…
I feel that there might be a lack of communication about sex, and sexuality in your relationship. In certain relationships with two consenting partners, porn can be used to enhance sexual pleasure, or offer couples the opportunity to explore their fantasies together. In such cases, porn could certainly have a role in the relationship. But here are two times it really doesn’t…
1. Losing touch with ‘real life’
However, porn also opens up some very real dangers. Individuals can become addicted to porn very easily. It offers a gratifying escape from reality into a world where partners are ‘perfectly proportioned’ and erotic situations are around every corner. Men and women can become addicted to the immediate gratification of masturbating with porn – shutting out real relationships and intimate connections.
I have counselled a number of patients who trained their minds and bodies to respond to porn so well that they could no longer respond sexually to their partners.
2. Creating unrealistic expectations
Porn can also create unrealistic expectations of partners. Often in relationships where porn is involved, one partner will expect their lover to perform acts that they have seen in pornographic movies. They may even expect their partner to look like the surgically enhanced actors and actresses in these movies. This leads to disappointment, lack of fulfillment, a decrease in sexual satisfaction and a lack of intimacy as the person continues to live in a fantasy world.
Often, my female patients will feel that they are ‘not enough’ for their partners who watch porn. They take it personally, which leads to low self esteem and a lack of fulfillment in the relationship.
What should you do?
So, the role of porn in a relationship is a very tricky one. It can enhance sexual desire and add spice and fantasy, but it can also lead to the destruction of a relationship.
You and your husband need to discuss it with each other, and decide on their own values when it comes to porn. If porn is causing conflict in the relationship, and there is no resolution in sight, you should seek the help of a relationship counsellor.
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