The 2 Main Reasons You’re About To Orgasm — And Then You Don’t
Let’s be honest, we’ve all experienced that mildly crushing moment when you’re on the brink of an orgasm and then… nothing. Make sure it doesn’t happen again by first figuring out why losing your mojo at the last minute is a thing – and the best way to fix it!
1. The Action Shifts Away From Your Sweet Spot
“Nine times out of 10 it’s because [the woman isn’t] getting enough continuous clitoral stimulation,” Kerner says. “Often a woman will get close to orgasm, her partner picks up on it and [then he either] orgasms immediately or changes what he was doing.”
That’s why Kerner frequently recommends the woman-on-top position. Because you control the angle and speed of the thrusts (try a back-and-forth motion so that your clitoris rubs against your partner’s abdomen), it allows for the most constant clitoral stimulation.
Another solution is to find a position that mimics how you masturbate. If you have solo sex by lying on your belly and rubbing your clitoris with your hands tucked beneath you, then your man can enter you from behind in that position. By watching you he’ll also get a better sense of the stimulation you need.
2. Something Called “Spectatoring” Happens…
“Spectatoring” is another problem that can trip women up in the bedroom. “It’s when a woman is too concerned with her appearance and/or performance to actually enjoy herself,” Kerner says. There’s no way you’re going to have an orgasm if you’re fretting about your cellulite or stressing over whether your newest as-seen-on-late-night-TV moves feel good for him. Instead, you have to let the erotic sensations register in your mind. Focus. Breathe. Let go.
“It may seem counter-intuitive,” he says, “but you need to relax to build sexual tension.” The best preparation for a big orgasm is a long, steamy shower, full-body massages by and for your man – or 10 minutes of oral sex, if you can get it. It’s not so much your body that needs the R&R as your mind.
“Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of everyday life and feeling sexual,” Kerner says. “A few minutes of foreplay usually isn’t enough.” Doing something ritualistic and soothing that will clear your head of to-do lists, work issues, family problems and whatever else might be distracting you from connecting with your body is essential to feeling ecstatic.
Here are 16 vibrators that will totally change your sex life. Plus: 5 sex positions perfect for when you want to get rough…