“I Watched Porn With My Partner For The First Time — Here’s What Happened”
I wouldn’t say that I’m a regular porn watcher. I don’t have favourite genres or actors. In fact, I don’t have much experience with it. The first time I watched porn was in a boy’s res at university – around the same time that the ‘Two Girls And A Cup’ video (almost) became pop culture. Disclaimer: I still have not seen it, nor do I want to. Back to the boy’s res… A group of guys were standing around a laptop, guffawing. One of them said to me: “You have to watch this video, this girl looks just like you!” Obviously curious, I said “Let’s see”. On the screen was a very mundane, straight – I think doggy-style – sex scene with a girl of similar hair colour and body shape, but that’s where the resemblance ended. To be fair, probably not much attention was paid to her facial features. I wasn’t turned on by any of it.
The first time I remember being turned on by porn was about five years ago, watching Hysterical Literature. And, it’s not really porn. The website calls it Video Art. It explores “feminism, mind/body dualism, distraction portraiture, and the contrast between culture and sexuality”. What it is, is a series of recordings of different women reading excerpts from novels while someone (hidden) masturbates them underneath a table until they orgasm. It’s quite beautiful, really.
I’m in a newish relationship and I’ve spoken to my partner about pornography. I have no problem with it and think it could actually be quite helpful and healthy in some relationships and for individuals when it comes to understanding sexuality and what you like (or maybe more importantly, what’s a hard pass for you). Even though I’m on the straight side of the Kinsey Scale, I do not like watching straight porn. I find the male actors in porn generally pretty gross. And I’m not alone. A 2014 report from Pornhub revealed “lesbian” was by far the top viewed category among its female users, as well as the top search term, and women were 445 percent more likely than men to search for “girl on girl”. Another interesting uptick in searches was for “lesbian seduces straight girl”, which increased by 328 percent between 2013 and 2014. While this data does not capture the sexual orientation of this female audience, I can say that, as a straight girl, these are the exact topics I’d search for.
So… I decided to introduce my boyfriend to Hysterical Literature a few weeks ago. And, while watching it, we both got really turned on, which lead to incredible oral sex and then full sex. To be honest, I still get hot thinking about the whole experience.
A week or so later I brought up the topic of watching porn and asked him to show me the kind of stuff he liked watching. He was (naturally) a little shy about it. He said he didn’t watch it that often, especially since we’ve been dating. I was nervous that I’d opened a can of worms and that I might not like what he showed me – even though I know that people (including me) watch things that they don’t necessarily want to act out. But what if it was really rough? Or really dominating? Or a lot of anal? Am I more conservative than I realised?
We went to the bedroom and I asked him to show me one of his favourite videos. It was of two girls (apparently it was the one girl’s first-time lesbian experience), the setting was pretty (a poolside), the girls were hot (not trashy) and it was an intimate and playful video, with nothing too hard-core or left field. Actually, it’s the exact type of video that would turn me on. And it did. I asked him to show me some more and, well, eventually I couldn’t contain myself anymore and I jumped him.
Porn and masturbation is very personal thing. Speaking about it and sharing this experience created a special and very trusting bond between us. And while we haven’t watched porn together since that day, I’m very open to including it in our lives from time to time.