What’s The Deal With Sex Dreams (And How To Have One)?
You know you’ve had an amazing sex dream when you wake up feeling ridiculously happy. If only you could make it happen every night, right?! In a perfect world, you would. But in the real world (sigh), you pretty much get the dream you get, including the one where you’re naked in your school cafeteria.
While you might never be able to fully control your dreams, it’s absolutely possible to train yourself to have more sex dreams, says Dr. W. Christopher Winter, a board-certified sleep medicine researcher, neurologist of Charlottesville Neurology and Sleep Medicine, and author of The Sleep Solution.
Experts don’t know exactly what causes sex dreams, but it’s generally thought that dreams have something to do with what’s on your mind, either consciously or subconsciously. Sex dreams, then, could be a reflection of what you’ve been thinking about during the day or even repressed desires, says Dr. Winter.
There are obvious perks to having sex dreams, like getting laid without needing to lift a finger (kinda), but sex dreams can also help you relax, lower your stress levels, and give you a sense of calm when you wake up, says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist and author of The New Sex Bible. They can also help give you greater insight into your sexual desires and inspire fantasies to act out with your partner later, she explains.
With all those potential benefits, it’s clear why you’d want to have as many sex dreams as humanly possible (as if you needed to be convinced). These tips might actually make it happen more often.
1. Think sexy thoughts.
Because your dreams are usually some kind of reflection of your thoughts when you’re awake (whether you’re aware of them or not), thinking about sex during the day can translate into your dreams at night. “If you can constantly remind yourself of the topic, you’ll be better off,” says Dr. Winter.
2. Visualise your perfect dream.
Think about your perfect sex dream and actually picture that fantasy playing out. “The more you can make it seem real, the more likely you are to have that dream at night,” says Dr. Winter.
3. Act it out IRL.
Dreams tend to reflect what’s going on in your life, so it doesn’t hurt to try to play out your fantasy (as best you can) while you’re awake, says Dr. Winter. While you can do this all in your mind, it can also be helpful to set the stage—mood lighting, candles, sexy music, vibrator—and go to town. The hope is that your body will pick up on the physical cues you give it and render them again at night.
4. Slip into sexy lingerie.
Besides acting your dream out IRL, you can trigger your brain into having sexy nighttime thoughts by sleeping in silky lingerie—or nothing at all. “It’s important that when you go to bed, you have some kind of a routine for setting yourself up for the dream,” says Dr. Winter.
5. Set up the dream as you’re lying in bed.
Play out the dream, step by step, as you’re lying in bed, says Dr. Winter. Think about meeting someone at a hotel bar: what you’re wearing, what they’re wearing, and what you’re discussing. Then, segue into the naughty part, focusing on the details. At some point, you should drift off into (super hot) dreamland.
6. Practice, practice, practice.
It’s unlikely that you’re automatically going to have the sex dream you want the first time you try (although if it does, awesome!). “You’ll want to rehearse the same thing every night,” says Dr. Winter. Don’t be discouraged if it takes time.
7. Keep a journal by your bedside.
This is an important step in having more detailed dreams. If you journaled that you walked into a hotel bar, saw someone interesting, and then woke up, that can help you build on the narrative for next time.
Brb, gotta go catch some Zzzz…