10 Overly Personal Questions It’s Apparently Ok To Ask Pregnant Women
Remember when you first discussed the possibility of getting pregnant, how you agreed for your body and your private life to become public property?
Oh, well, erm, that’s really what pregnancy is all about.
Sure, there’s a baby at the end of it.
But mostly, it’s a window in which friends and strangers alike can unashamedly ask you really personal questions whenever they want, as they try to pry into the most personal, delicate and intimate parts of your life.
10 Overly Personal Questions Pregnant Women Get Asked
Here are just a few of the questions you’re probably being asked on a daily basis by friends, family members and strangers alike:
#1: “Was It Planned?”
Oh, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but did you let a man have sex with you on purpose, or is this baby a freak accident? I only ask because I am a complete pervert who is fascinated by the sex lives of other people. I want to know whether this baby was a premeditated decision or whether you were unfortunate to sit on a soiled toilet seat in a unisex public restroom. So, which was it? Planned baby or unplanned baby?
#2: “How Long Were You Trying?”
Wow, what fantastic news about your pregnancy! The fact you didn’t mention how long you’ve been awaiting this baby means that I now feel totally within my right to ask. How long were you trying? Just how many times did you have unprotected sex before you hit the jackpot? Was is it beginner’s luck or did it follow months of disappointment? I assume you want to talk about these private details because, erm, why else would you tell me about the pregnancy in the first place? So, come on, how many times do you reckon you did it before you peed on that glorious stick?
#3: “Was It Natural?”
Wow, a baby! What fantastic news. So, tell me, was it conceived naturally? I’m only asking what everyone else is thinking. I mean, you’re quite mature/unhealthy/unlucky, so I’m guessing you had a little help. And if you’re expecting twins or more, then of course it simply must have been IVF. Of course I’m thrilled for you, but I need to know the details. Were there injections involved in your treatment? Was it done at a clinic? Did your partner have to provide a sperm sample? How did it all happen?
#4: “Should You Really Be Eating That?”
Wow, is that a bag of salt and vinegar crisps? Should you really be eating that, you know, in your condition? Oh lord, are you washing it down with a coffee! Now I’m really worried. Your poor baby. No, I know, you mentioned the crippling morning sickness and the fact you can’t keep anything down, but, well, you’d think you’d try a little harder. Don’t you know how bad caffeine is for your unborn baby? Here, let me send you some web links. What’s your email address?
#5: “Can I Touch Your Bump?”
Oh, I know, I’m already touching it, why ask? But I couldn’t help myself. I saw your big ol’ belly looking so squeezable and I just had to rest my hands on it. Babies love me, you know. I wouldn’t be surprised if your little guy starts kicking now to say hey. I’m sure you don’t mind me having a little feel, right? It’s only your belly, it’s not like I just honked a boob! I’m going to keep my hand here for the rest of our conversation now, and I’m going to administer the odd harmless prod to try and get your baby moving. That’s ok, right?
#6: “Is It Twins?”
Holy moly, you are huge. Seriously, you’re an actual whale. I don’t remember ever seeing a pregnant woman so huge before. It must be twins, right? And you’re probably due tomorrow. There’s just no way you could be that huge with just one baby in your tummy. I mean, babies are tiny, but you’re massive. Wow, so big. You look like you could pop any moment.
#7: “Are You Worried About Giving Birth?”
No? Wow, that’s great. You seem to have such a positive attitude to childbirth, I’m sure you’ll do great. Well, I hope so, anyway. I only asked because my friend Meg just had her baby and she ended up with a third degree tear. And it got infected and she had to get fixed up all over again. And my sister, well, she ended up with an emergency c-section – and that was so hard on her, recovering from that. And, of course, there was Terri from next door who just wasn’t the same again after she had her daughter. I really think she needs medication for depression or something, personally. I’m sure you’ll be fine though.
#8: “Do You Think You’re A Bit Hormonal?”
Look, no offence, but you’ve been quite off today. You were really rude when I asked if the baby was planned, you got into a huff when I grabbed your belly and you looked like you might cry when I confiscated your crisps. Do you think you might be a bit hormonal? You just seem to be being a bit of a drama queen. I know you’re pregnant, but you can’t just go all diva and expect to get away with it.
#9: “When Is Your ‘Due Date’?”
I need to know the exact date that your baby probably isn’t going to arrive on. Why? So I can text you every hour that day to ask if there’s any news. I don’t want to miss that. And I will make sure I am not taking any holidays, so I can rush into hospital and wait for you outside the birth room door, in case you need me. It’s not easy you know – I am a great cheerleader!
So, tell me, when’s this due date?
#10: “Any Twinges?”
They say the best way to bring on labour is to be repeatedly asked whether you’ve had any twinges or whether there’s any news, so I thought I’d get the ball rolling. I know, you’re weeks off your estimated due date, but that won’t stop me asking whether you’ve had any twinges. I just really want to know about the twinges. So, any twinges? No? Ok. What about now? Was that a twinge then? No? Alright, call me as soon as you get one.