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HELP ME PLEASE!!!

I just found out my 16 year old daughter is pregnant. She's keeping the baby. What advice would you give me, as her mother, on handling this situation? I am open to all advice. What are your words of wisdom?

what can I do?
  • help my daughter keep the baby
  • persuade my daughter to give up this baby
  • talk with the baby's dad
All Comments (16)
  • Shannon Rogers

    Shannon Rogers

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

  • Yoona lim

    Yoona lim

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    Your daughter needs you right now more than anything else. Just support her and be there for her and for the baby. Becuase your daughter wants to keep the baby, people around her at school or work might give her a very hard time for getting pregnant at 16, so it’s really important that you show her lots of love and support. This baby might be a mistake in some people’s eyes, but I see it as a blessing and a beautiful gift from God. I am so proud that she decided to keep the child and I hope things goes well for her.

    I will tell a story of my bestfriend who also got pregnant at the age of 16. I remember very well when she came up to me crying and told me that she is pregnant. I was shocked and didn’t know what to tell her. I was worried that the baby might ruin her life and her future. She went through a very hard time with her family and it was hard for me to see my bestfriend struggling. Her parents wanted her to put the baby on adoption and honestly I found that to be the perfect solution at that time, but my friend refused our idea and insisted on keeping the baby no matter what the outcome is. I remember how people at our school were cruel and started to bully her for becoming pregnant at 16, but she never gave up and I never stopped supporting her. Her family stood by her side and helped her to get through this tough situation. She managed to finish school on time and gave birth to a beautiful girl. My best friend is one of the strongest people I have ever meet in my life. She worked really hard to be a good mother, have a job, and study for college at the same time. She graduated college with me last year. Now, she is a mother and a math teacher. Becoming a mother at a young age isn't the death sentence most people think it is.

  • iamjustvee

    iamjustvee

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    This hits home for me because 16 years ago I was your daughter. Except my father had contacted an adoption agency because he was completely against me keeping my daughter. I had stayed home one day from school to fill the paperwork from the agency out. I was hysterical. I wanted to keep my baby more than anything! I was sobbing but answered the phone when it rang- it was the lady from the adoption agency who explained to me she was hoping she would be able to speak with me and went into detail about how this had to be my choice. Not my parents. That night I told them I was keeping my daughter. My dad was irate but my mother was my biggest supporter! She helped me with everything.. She answered any questions I had, she helped me get the stuff she knew I would need for the baby. Mom was by my side as I delivered reassuring me… promising I would be okay, even though she refused pain meds for me & I thought I was being ripped in 2! Mom was the one who took over my daughters first bath because she was crying and I was convinced I was doing something wrong! Mom arranged a job interview for me at 2.5 weeks postpartum and babysat while I worked nights. Mom was the one that had me pay room and board and taught me how to budget my money. Mom was the one who encouraged me when I thought I wasn't strong enough to work, finish school, and be a mom too! Mom was the one that stood there so proud as I got my diploma a year early and had finished my medical assistant certification program before my peers had even graduated high school. My dad came around too but it was always my mom.. 16 years later she still is my everything. She is the most amazingly supportive mom/nana ever!

    I guess my answer is— Support your daughter. Encourage her. Teach her. Love her, unconditionally. And do the same for your grandchild.

  • Beth Bray

    Beth Bray

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    The positive take on her young age is she doesn’t have to be back at a job within weeks of maternity leave, and being so young, the “career-break” means very little once she is through her 20s. She can “catch-up”.

    Having a child at 16 means she will be different to her peers. Create a sense of value in her difference. Shame can be very destructive and judgements can be subtle. And there will be judgements. School friends may fall by the wayside. Their lives may seem exciting and even glamorous compared to hers for the next few years. Give her the strength of purpose to over-ride this and know that her rewards will be different. Her baby’s first smile, first steps, first shoes, first day at school. In the long run, these memories will supersede any party she once didn’t go to. Remind her that social media gives a skewed reality; everyone’s “having the best time” on Instagram and facebook… Her external rewards can come later; the good job, nice home and car, a loving partner.

    Hold your head up high and proudly introduce your daughter and grandchild to the world. They may create great things in the future and they will add a richness and colour to your life.

  • Beth Bray

    Beth Bray

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    Thirty years ago I was 16 and pregnant and adamant I was keeping my baby. (This was not due to religious reasons, I later chose to not continue with another pregnancy. I am pro-choice for women and their bodies). My family was distraught, understandably, but I was not wavering. Very naive, as I had no idea what I was getting into and yet I have never had a single day of regret. My beautiful 30 year old has bright pink hair and is a beautiful person who has filled my life with colour, laughter and tears. She is my closest friend, even though we currently live on separate continents, and we have a very special bond. She teaches me as I teach her.

    My advice to you; Let your daughter be the mum she is designed to be. My own parents were very hands off, perhaps a little too much so at times. There were some very difficult times as I lived independently from when my daughter was 3 months old. However, this is why I grew into the adult parent I was meant to, and my daughter respects our struggles and the successes we had. Can you be the loving, supportive and unconditional mum, whilst still allowing this soon-to-be very young parent, be a parent too? Let her take the role of mother and raise her own child with you watching from the wings for when she stumbles or forgets her lines. Let her know she only needs to ask and you will be there, but avoid taking the lead. She has to grow into the role.

    I went back to school when my daughter went to school, at 5 years old. I finally completed a Masters in Psychology and have gone on to have an interesting and varied life, teaching Psychology internationally (My daughter followed my footsteps and is an Art teacher). Teaching, by the way, is a great career to coincide with parenting as the holidays coincide for quality time together, amongst other things. My advise to your daughter, when she is ready, is go back to school and complete her education. But allow her to have time with her baby.

  • Linda

    Linda

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    GIVE THEM SUPPORT

    I was pregnant at the age of 15. I had my son 12 days before my 16th birthday. My mother didn’t make much money and we were already living at my grandmother's house. My father (whom I had just recently been kicked out of his home due to a devious stepmother) I dared not even tell him until I was beyond the abortion date (I knew he would pressure me into an abortion) So here I was …15 and pregnant with seemingly ZERO support.

    Things changed when I told my boyfriend about the pregnancy. Of course, he was shocked and as frightened as me, but he was also very excited about being a father. He and I told his parents, who were floored by the news, and rightly so. But ya know what? they were the greatest support for us. They knew my family situation and offered me a room in their home. They said I could stay as long as I needed and when the baby was born they would help me until my boyfriend and I was confident enough to move out on our own.

    DON’T STIR THE POT OF THE PAST WHICH CANT BE CHANGED

    His family never made us feel bad about what happened and never reminded us how we “shoulda” or “coulda” What was done, was done. There was no point in bringing up something that couldn’t change our current situation.

  • mya warne

    mya warne

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    What are my words of wisdom?

    My Dad was driving into work one morning, when he told me my sister was pregnant. I looked at him and said: Okay, how can I help? My Dad replied…just be there for her. We are a family, and for better or worse, family stands together. He was right. My sister was pretty scared. She thought she was going to be kicked out, left to fend for herself, and considered a pariah. I told her she was my sister, and that I loved her, and that no matter what, I had her back; as did my Mom, Dad, and the rest of us. (I'm the oldest of six)

    My point in telling you this, is that your daughter is probably just as scared as my sister was. I would also be willing to bet, that she is harder on herself, than anyone else could ever be. However, she is family. And family stands together. It would be nice if we could all live the Ozzy and Harriet life, but life is what happens when you make other plans. Explain just what parenting involves. The sacrifices, the frustrations, the loss of sleep, and the joy of seeing her child smile for the first time. Explain that she has just graduated to adulthood, and she hasn't even been given the chance to be a teenager yet. Parenting is a full time 24/7 job, and she must now step up and a accept that responsibility. But also let her know how much you love her and are willing to help her, as long as she helps herself. Tell her she will not be alone in this struggle. By standing with your daughter, you will be laying the foundation for a child that will know what true love is, because of the sacrifices you and your daughter together with your family have made.

    I wish you, your daughter, and your family all the best. Good luck.

  • Helen Jones

    Helen Jones

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    Are you happy putting your dreams and hopes for your future on hold? If not then you have to tell her, I would be doing everything in my power, within reason of course, to get her to really look at everything that is involved with having a baby now, she has over 20 years to become a mother, she doesn’t get to live her teenage years over again if she messes them up now. I became a prostitute when I was dumped whilst young and pregnant, being a parent rips you apart financially because suddenly it’s not only you that needs new clothes, etc, etc, how will she cope financially, again are you happy to have to fork out for this baby? Your daughters decision doesn’t just affect her and that’s one of the points I would make to her, if she doesn’t listen to you then it shows you how immature she is, and you should tell her that too.

    I genuinely wish you luck here, I’m sure you would obviously love your grandchild but there’s plenty time for all that with your daughter, she’s still a child really and children shouldn’t be having children.

  • Helen Jones

    Helen Jones

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    Firstly I am so sorry for you that your daughter is 16 and pregnant, I have a daughter the same age and it would be a nightmare for me, I suspect that your daughters decision for keeping the baby is largely due to the fact that she is head over heels with the father, and that in her young naive mind she thinks having a baby to the guy she loves, is the best thing ever because it’s 2 of them in the one little person, it’s this great big connection between them, that they will be together forever, blah blah blah. What a pile of shit that all is. She doesn’t know this because she’s 16 and she wouldn’t listen anyway if you told her so.

    I think keeping the baby is a huge mistake and her life will be on hold for years if she goes through with it, sure she would eventually be in a great place but that’s years off, I don’t care what anybody may say but having a baby at sixteen years old is a really shitty idea and if I were you, then I would have to tell her the worst case scenario for her life, the things that is expected of a mother, practically, emotionally, financially, etc, etc, and the fact that she will need a babysitter for practically everything in her life, don’t beat about the bush, be as honest as you possibly can with her, don’t leave anything out, my guess is that you’ll have to help her out with her baby, if your daughter is planning on staying living with you then are you happy to be a live in babysitter, because you babysitting and helping her will definitely happen, are you happy to spend your free time helping raise your grandchild?

  • Rhonda Evans

    Rhonda Evans

    2020-02-19 04:34:34

    I made it very clear to my daughter and my Goddaughter that if they chose to get pregnant and have a child, they would be on their own. I sat them both down and had them research the cost of day care, rent, bus far or car note, gas, auto and health insurance, groceries, lights, clothes - all the stuff I pay for on their behalf. They were shocked and appalled.

    Then I told them to think about having to get up, take care of a kid all by themselves, go to a job, work all day, pick up a screaming kid, go home alone, and cook and clean and fall into bed exhausted IF the baby didn’t keep them up sick and crying.

    They were shocked and appalled.

    I made it clear that if I am paying for you to eat, the lights you burn, the clothes on your back you do not get the right to make a decision about what you will “keep” on my dime. I decide that. So I am not telling you that you can’t have a kid if you want, just understand what you are gonna be up against and DO NOT LOOK FOR ME TO HELP YOU DO CRAP. I wasn’t there in the bed making it, and I am not gonna be responsible for it. Not for one second.

    My daughters know I mean business and when I say what I ain’t gonna do, they can go to their grave knowing it won’t EVA happen.

    So both reached adulthood without a mishap and now are both in their 20s and guess what - no baby. Cause they already know what kind of HELL their life would become.

    To me that is what you must do as a parent. You wanna act grown and have a sex life, then you must as a grown woman deal with any and all repercussions from those choices.

  • Laurel Matthews

    Laurel Matthews

    2020-02-19 19:57:41

    Honestly the best thing for your daughter would be to go the adoption route, and the reason why is because she needs to focus on school and getting into college, she needs to give the baby to people who have a house and are settled

  • Petty Re

    Petty Re

    2020-02-20 13:54:10

    Honestly the best thing to do is support her because I was her last year and my dad didn’t talk to me or want anything to do with me and then June 8th I lost my baby at my first day of turning 9 months I had a stillborn and he didn’t know because he wouldn’t I still haven’t forgave him for not being there for me you never know what could happen or what the future hold yeah Ik your mad but when Uu see your grand baby Uu would forget about all the bad

  • Erica Sanders

    Erica Sanders

    2020-02-20 16:32:59

    I'm 16 now and my mother always tells me that if I got pregnant anytime before o was 25 she'd beat me and my s/o and put the baby up for adoption which I think is completely wrong I think if your child becomes pregnant at a young age you should support them and help them through it whether or not the want to keep it put it olup for adoption or have an abortion. Just think about what's going through her head she has so much to worry about like supporting the baby staying in school maintaining a job so she can buy diapers I think it would be a good thing to support her and her decisions while also sitting down with her and the baby's father and talk about what their going to do

  • phayee grevne

    phayee grevne

    2020-02-22 14:31:29

    You should support her, talk to the baby’s father to see where his mind is, and then to his parents to work on things. It’ll all work out.

  • Rosa Cromwell

    Rosa Cromwell

    2020-02-25 06:08:58

    First and second choices honestly. I'm going through the same thing and I'm hoping that this is what my mom will decide to do for me 💛

  • Majesty Long

    Majesty Long

    2020-03-07 06:33:12

    love her support her and make her feel she is not alone in this its gonna be tought but as her mom u need to make her feel she is loved no matter what

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