What I’ve Learned About Sex From Working At An Adult Toy Store
I began working in a sex toy store four years ago. I’ve learned so much in my time here – more than I ever thought possible. Sure, I can tell the difference between a butt plug and a plug tail and a butt jewel in my sleep, but there are some really vital things I’ve discovered. Important things.
When I began my journey into the adult toy world, I knew only a little about vibrators and dildos. While I’ve always been a sex positive person, I’ve learned that sex is more important than we ever give it credit for.
Sex – solo or with a loved one, or even with a few friends – is a powerful connector (not like that); it has a way of healing you, growing your confidence, and celebrating yourself and others.
Here are some of the most important things I’ve found to be true in my time working at a desk piled with vibrators and dildos.
1. Orgasms don’t come easily to everyone.
A Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy study in 2017 found that nearly 37% of women required clitoral stimulation to orgasm – the truth is, few are getting that. Only 18% of women can climax during penetrative sex. That study was one of the largest studies on women’s pleasure available, and other smaller studies have found the same. An analysis of over 30 studies performed over the past 80 years found that only 25% of women consistently climax during vaginal penetrative sex.
I hear this a lot from my customers. Women who think they’re broken because they love their male partners but can’t orgasm.
Few heterosexual women know that the penis isn’t really designed to make you orgasm easily. I feel proud to be able to steer them toward a toy that stimulates the clitoris like the Satisfyer Pro 2.0 – a device that has had women contact me crying with happiness!
2. Sex toys are for everybody.
Some of my customers are in their 80s, and others are buying their first toy to celebrate or commiserate their first break up. There’s no one type of person who buys a toy. They truly are for everybody. From little bullet vibes to dildos, to clitoral stimulators and wand massagers – butt plugs and strap-ons and beads and sleeves and clamps – I’ve seen joy sparked from them all.
Hearing from couples who have been able to reinvigorate their sex lives after children and save their marriage is a favorite part of my day. Providing information to an elderly couple who are struggling with erectile dysfunction reminds me how important a healthy sex life is – and how easy it can be to revive with the right support. I encourage and support and champion all of my customers. It’s my favorite part of the job.
3. Sex toys these days are STUNNING (and they come in all shapes and sizes).
The days of only being able to buy weird veiny fleshy dildos or cucumber novelty vibrators are over. You can now buy beautiful hand-blown glass toys that look like works of art. Toys that are discrete with gorgeous rose gold coating or real leather and metal. And there’s just so much to choose from! You can buy a saddle style non-penetrative toy, designed to stimulate your whole vulva. Or an award-winning couples’ massager that pleasures you both.
4. Sex toys can help with health problems.
I’m not a doctor, but I know what to prescribe if you’re struggling with a weak pelvic floor after pregnancy and labor. We sell weighted kegel balls to many mums working on getting their strength back – they give you a great pelvic muscle workout and feel great! We sell amazing products for women recovering from cancer, such as our dilator sets. We stock so many thoughtfully designed products aimed at improving the lives of women and taking care of their sexual health. The remote breast massager by Inspire massages to increase blood circulation. This in turn can help with pain. It fits comfortably in your bra and Inspire donate a portion of our proceeds to Living Beyond Breast Cancer, a non-profit organization supporting women affected by breast cancer. We sell sleeves to help men with erectile dysfunction and prostate health vibrators. We also of course sell external and internal condoms for men and women for safe sex.
5. We all deserve to have happy and healthy sex lives.
I’ve learned there’s absolutely no shame in seeking pleasure and wanting to give pleasure. Having a happy and healthy sex life is so crucial, and everybody deserves it. Being able to make yourself or your partner climax is a wonderful thing – loving your body and theirs is a precious gift. It’s empowering to learn what you like and don’t like and to learn to listen to your body and what it needs.