Stormy Daniels Shares Porn-Watching Tips For Moms
A quick Instagram search for #momporn yields comical results including bearded dads wearing a Baby Bjorn, a long line of Tupperware containing a week’s worth of meal prep, or photos of children tucked into their beds, sleeping peacefully. And as much as society would love to assume that’s what gets moms off, it’s not true. Not only do mothers continue to be sexual beings post-childbirth, but many actively seek out pornography for their sexual pleasure. In fact, according to Scary Mommy’s recent sex and motherhood survey, 28 percent of the nearly 500 moms surveyed said they watch porn at least once a month. Here’s what — and why — they’re watching.
Few people — mothers or otherwise — have as much experience with pornography as Stormy Daniels. Though she’s now a household name for political reasons, before that Daniels made a name for herself working in the adult film industry for the past 20 years. In addition to being a porn director, writer, producer, and actor, she’s also a mom. Though Daniels says that she’s never specifically considered the porn-watching habits of mothers, she does know that it’s more popular among women than many might think.
Part of this stigma may stem from the fact that some women — many of whom are likely moms — may not be comfortable watching porn that may have involved an element of coercion or abuse. “Traditionally, women have been taught that those poor, helpless women in those movies are being coerced or forced to do something against their will, or exploited by that big, bad male porn producer or director,” Daniels explains.
Knowing that Daniels is in control both in front of and behind the camera — in addition to writing and producing, she has directed at least 90 percent of the movies she’s acted in — may remove that negative aspect of the porn-viewing experience for some people. “I immediately take away the guilt or that little voice in their head saying, ‘Oh, fuck. Does this girl really want to be there?’ Because clearly I’m not abusing and exploiting myself,” she says. “So once that was completely off the table, [the viewer] could relax and just get into what she was doing — which is really cool. I like that.”
This mental categorization of Daniels’ porn as less exploitative and more ethical isn’t necessarily something that women consciously consider, but rather, she suggests, helps them enjoy it more.
This has been true for Amanda*, a mother of two kids, ages one and five. “Since becoming a mom, I’ve become more conscious of wanting to watch ethical porn. I like feeling like the performers are paid and respected,” she said “Because of that I’ve started skipping the mainstream porn sites and heading to a female-friendly site, Bellesa. Lately I’ve been really into the NSFW section on Reddit. I like that there are a lot of ‘real’ people there posting their pictures or videos directly.”
Laura*, another mom, prefers porn made by women, queer, or trans people, or active members of the kink community, “so that I can tell they’re actually enjoying the experience and not just having a same-sex sexual experience or a sadomasochistic experience that they don’t want for the benefit of someone else”
She is not alone in her preferences: a combined 40 percent of the mothers who took part in the Scary Mommy survey said that they prefer watching lesbian and gay porn, while nine percent seek out porn involving BDSM and kink.
“I’ve never really been into mainstream porn because it doesn’t seem to be about female pleasure to me at all, a lot of the time,” Laura explains. “It seems on average to be more like a performance sometimes, where women’s bodies are pushed to their limits almost as a sport instead of for pleasure.”
Similarly, Paige*, a queer person and mom, prefers amateur lesbian/queer porn. “I like the amateur [porn] better because it feels more real to me, and also because a lot of time in mainstream lesbian porn made for (typically) a male audience, the women have these ridiculously long nails, which anybody who has actually been in a lesbian sexual relationship knows is not practical nor comfortable,”she said. “It makes me squeamish to watch, and I just keep thinking about those poor vaginas!”