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Take Turns And Other Tips For Getting Out Of A Sex Rut

My husband and I are night and day when it comes to sex — literally. Hubs like to have sex in the morning, before heading off to work. For him, sex and orgasm are a mood reset. It gives him the boost of dopamine he needs to stay in a good mood despite having a stressful day. Starting a day with sex makes his life better.

But for me, sex results in inactivity. Sex makes me sleepy. Not just “I’m going to yawn for a few minutes” sleepy. More like, “I will be asleep within five minutes and will take a minimum of an hour-long nap.” I think it’s the world’s best sleep aid, which means I avoid morning sex at all costs due to the demands of work and childrearing.

Naturally, you can imagine my need to be productive in the day time and his severe exhaustion after a long day leaves us feeling more like ships in the night than compatible lovers. And I know we’re not alone. Every couple deals with some version on sexual incompatibility — you probably have your own stories.

It sucks when you’ve spent the day thinking about all the dirty things you’d like to do with your partner only to fall into bed at the end of the day and find out they’re not in the mood. It equally sucks when you decide to be intimate but one of you is much more into it than the other.

There are hundreds of reasons for a sexual disconnect, many of which we could never guess. Thankfully, with healthy communication practices, it seems there are equally as many methods to overcome said obstacles and get on the same page.

Even if you’ve been together for a while, sex can be pretty hit or miss. There are some things that might require you going to see a professional to get things together. It’s also worth noting that no couple is going to be in the ideal sexual relationship all of the time. But just because your default preferences exist on different pages doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

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