Man Seeks "Worthy Female" For Bizarre Eclipse Sex Ritual
On August 21, a total solar eclipse will be visible across a contiguous portion of the United States, the first such occurrence in more than 99 years. Because of the rarity of this occasion, many are flocking to sites around the country where this phenomenon can be viewed in all its spectacular glory. Others, like this Californian, are trying to use the moment as an opportunity to perform a sex ritual and conceive a child, as one does.
A man who posted an ad on the San Francisco area's Craigslist is seeking a "worthy female" to "have simultaneous orgasms" with in order to "conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution." If you thought that a camping trip was a fun and adventurous way to celebrate this eclipse, well, it may be time for you to expand your horizons.
"I am 40 years of age, caucasian male from Europe. My heritage is strong and pure," he explained in his ad, which has since been deleted. "My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal."
We're not sure exactly what he means by a "strong and pure" heritage, but we do know it makes us deeply uncomfortable. Somehow, though, that's only the beginning of this journey.
"We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun," his post said. "Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets."
Cool, man. That sounds totally chill. (Just make sure to liberally apply sunscreen while your member is oriented sunward.)
Unfortunately, in addition to the potential Nazism, there is one wrinkle that may scare some ladies off from this mystic experience: "You must like cats," he says.
All in all, it's a memorable post, to say the least. And while much of it seems too strange to be true, there is at least one condition tucked away in the final line that shouldn't shock anyone who read all the way to the end: "Drugs are OK."